found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
