Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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