Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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