I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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