living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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