Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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