You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
