if only i could text you this smell
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
