I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
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