areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Houston, we have a blender
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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