The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
