I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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