No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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