Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
