How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
All I want is dick and wine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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