Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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