Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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