you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
