Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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