She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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