Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
