the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
