i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize