im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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