Jerry, you need to find god
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
