He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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