There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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