she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
