Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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