I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
