1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
