I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.