i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
where are my pants?
in the oven.