Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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