I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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