If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
