I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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