If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
