dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
