I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
