Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
