I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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