You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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