Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
