don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He shit in the fireplace
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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