Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
