One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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