love makes seman taste better
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
