i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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