omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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