will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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