Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
