OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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