Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
