Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
