K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
