Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
