i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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