I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
