cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
