Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The adults are the big ones right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
