Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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