It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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