The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
