Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Buhtt sex?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
