Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
