Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
